Relationships Are What You Make Of Them

15 Jun 2020

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Falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes effort, time, compromise, commitment, and some amount of sacrifice from both the partners. Every relationship hits a bump in the road time and again, and conflicts in a relationship are inevitable. Especially, when the challenges pile up externally, whether it is a lockdown, a chronic illness, demands of children, or simply your work. 

When life gives you lemons, turn to your partner. After all, they’ve been your support this whole time. If you find these challenges taking a toll on your relationship, it’s time to make lemonade! What we mean is hang in there, tackle the problems, and learn from it. Remember, every problem has a solution, all you need to do is look for it; and when you find it, apply it. 

Here are a few of the most common problems faced by couples when the going gets tough. And we tell you how to solve them. These tips can help you preserve or rekindle the spark and build a meaningful relationship that lasts a lifetime.

1. Communication

The seed of all relationship problems is often lack of communication. When couples have different communication styles, such as talkers versus non-talker, people who talk things out versus people who just get on with things, or when neither talk at all – it can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments. Sometimes, in a relationship, when a healthy conversation is avoided for a prolonged time, insecurities and other serious problems can take root. Therefore it becomes really important to talk things out. 

Fixing Communication Barriers [1]

  • Put your cell phones away for at least a few hours when you’re together at home and spend some time talking to each other. 
  • When in an argument, try not to raise your voice. If you cannot do so, go to a public place where you’d be embarrassed to scream. This will help you from raising your voice and disrespecting your partner. 
  • Communication happens in two ways. Let your partner speak as well, and try not to interrupt them. 
  • Stop with the blame-game. Quit using phrases like “You always…”, “You never…” or “It’s because of you…”
  • Pay attention to your partner while they are talking, don’t fidget with things or look elsewhere. 
  • Ask if you don’t understand something clearly instead of assuming it.

2. Trust

Trust is the key to a healthy, lasting relationship. Insecurities, unresolved issues and fear can all cause mistrust in your relationship. Take time and steps to figure out what is causing this feeling of mistrust, here a few ways:

Fixing Trust Issues [3]

  • Talk things out and be a good listener.
  • Try not to be jealous.
  • Be consistent.
  • Do what you say you will do.
  • Do not lie – not even little white lies.
  • Call to inform if you’ll be late.
  • Respect your partner’s boundaries.
  • Be a little more sensitive to your partner’s feelings. Your partner is not trying to disrespect or belittle you, they just have some inner conflicts that can be solved by the two of you together. 

3. Conflict And Anger

Occasional conflicts and arguments are normal, but frequently recurring fights can cause some serious damage to a relationship. There could be a number of reasons for recurring conflicts, you need to address those reasons and find a way to resolve them mutually. 

As far as anger is concerned, it is the most common cause that leads to conflicts and usually happens when you bring home unresolved problems and resentment from your office or anywhere else. Treating your partner like a punching bag and pouring your anger all over them is not a wise or a moral thing to do. Solve the conflict where it occurs and come home to a family you love and respect. 

Fixing Conflicts And Managing Anger [4]

  • Learn to argue in a civil manner without disrespecting each other.
  • Don’t say things you cannot take back.
  • Be honest with yourself. Think if your comment is geared towards resolving the conflict or if you’re looking for payback. In the case of the latter, take a deep breath and change your strategy.
  • Change a bit. If you see a pattern in your behavior that is causing you pain and unhappiness, try and change it. If you’ve noticed the pattern in your partner, try talking to them and making them realize it.
  • Hold your urge to defend yourself before your partner is done speaking. Realize that you’re not a victim that needs to be defended. Both of you are in this together and both of you are trying to save something meaningful.

4. Struggles Over Home Chores

If both of you are working individuals, it’s necessary that you divide home chores fairly and not be dependent on the other to do everything at home. Making a house a home is the responsibility of everyone who lives in it. Also, doing chores together can be a fun way of spending time together. 

Fixing Chore Struggles [4]

  • Divide the chores mutually, fairly, and equally.
  • Do your chores on time and ask for help when you cannot do it.
  • Do not procrastinate.
  • If at times you seek help, you must also offer it when you can.
  • Understand if your partner has a lot of office work and cannot do the chores once in a while.
  • Hire a helper if you can afford it.

5. Money

No matter where in the world you are, or with whom, money can disrupt your otherwise smooth running life. It is very important that you plan your finances wisely. Take professional advice if you cannot do it on your own. You don’t have to be a millionaire to be happy, all you need to do is set your priorities, spend wisely, and have enough savings for emergencies. 

Fixing Money Problems [2]

  • Do not keep your finances a secret from your partner. Don’t hide income or debts.
  • Discuss before investing or doing anything that requires a big sum of money.
  • Discuss saving methods and how much each of you can spend every year on holidays and things like that.
  • Don’t bring finances into fights as it can turn things ugly.
  • If both of you are earning, divide financial responsibilities too.
  • Talk about taking care of your parents as they age.

6. Sex

Even partners who love each other deeply can be a mismatch sexually. Your ideas of sex may not match your partner’s and this may create some problems. Therefore, it is important to discuss such things. Given the taboo associated with sex, especially in the Indian culture, it can be a little weird to talk about your desires especially if you’ve had an arranged marriage. However, it is important that you get comfortable with your partner and be able to open up about such things if you have to spend a life together. 

Many professionals suggest that sex should be the last thing you give up as the physical intimacy involves a ton of various hormones that help you build a deeper bond, bring you closer, and keep the chemistry intact of a healthy couple. 

Fixing Sexual Issues [1]

  • Talk about your desires and listen to your partner’s without being judgy.
  • Try and fulfill their desires if you are comfortable, or else politely deny.
  • Spice things up with something fun and new.
  • Don’t keep sex for the night when both of you are tired.
  • Fix a date and time. It’ll keep you excited for the whole time before the day finally arrives.
  • If you have kids, ask your friends and family to have them for sleepovers so that you can have the night to yourself.

Problems are a part of life. They must be addressed and resolved. Unsettled conflicts with partners can take a toll on your relationship, so it’s only wise that you talk it out and alter a few things in life to mend your relationship. You’ll be surprised to see how little shifts can turn things around. Changes can be tough, but if your relationship matters to you, you’ll surely find a way to make those changes and make your relationship last. 

References: 

  1. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
  2. https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/wellbeing/10-common-problems-people-relationships-solve-513371
  3. https://www.psychalive.org/trust-issues/
  4. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/7-relationship-problems-how-solve-them#1

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